Wal-mart Urinalysis 

One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Jack says to Mike behind him, "My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I better see a doctor." "Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money," Mike replies. "There's a diagnostic computer down at Wal-mart. Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what's wrong and what to do about it. It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars...a hell of a lot cheaper than a doctor." So Jack deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Wal-mart. He deposits ten dollars, and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits. Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout: You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. 
It will improve in two weeks. 

That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Jack began wondering if the computer could be fooled. He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and masturbated into the mixture for good measure. Jack hurries back to Walmart, eager to check the results. He deposits ten dollars, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results. The computer prints the following: 
1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. 
2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo. 
3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab. 
4. Your wife is pregnant...twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer. 
5. If you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better. 

Michael Sedano, was arrested and booked on multiple charges of narcotics distribution and illegal gun possession. Among the weapons taken from the two addresses was a .44 mm high-powered Desert Eagle handgun, a Glock .9 mm, an H&K .45 mm and a Bushmaster AK-47. One handgun apparently belonged to the Boston Police Department at one time.

The police also confiscated 67 mature marijuana plants as well as several large plastic bins full of marijuana buds. There was also about $10,000 in cash, an ounce of speed and a small amount of cocaine.

Police sources say Sedano was a Hell's Angels "associate," but not a member and that the Hell's Angels may have been using Sedano's houses as a place to stockpile weapons in anticipation of a bloody showdown with the Mongols MC

"The word is they are trying to store as many guns as possible for when -- not if -- they go to war with the Mongols," said a police source who tracks local Hell's Angels activity.

Retired San Francisco-based FBI agent Tim McKinley, a so-called national expert on motorcycle clubs, said it's likely that Sedano was part of the Hell's Angels economic engine.

"In my experience each Hell's Angel member operates a sub-group of between nine and 30 people who work in a pyramid scheme for the benefit of Hell's Angels," McKinley said. "It's not uncommon to have stash pads to keep weapons safe." "If he was holding for them, they are going to be upset that he was conducting business in such a manner," said McKinley

BUCK KNIVES INC. RECALLS POCKET KNIVES
Buck Knives Inc., of El Cajon, Calif. is recalling 2,000 MiniBuck Black Pocket Knives because the handles can crack, posing a risk of injury from the blade.  No incidents or injuries have been reported - the recall is to prevent the possibility of injuries.  The MiniBuck knives have a plastic handle and a non-serrated 1-7/8 inch drop-point blade. The knives are 2-7/8 inches long when closed and 4-3/4 inches when open.  Each of the knives has the letter "T" on the blade of the knife after the model number.  They were sold at department, sporting goods and specialty stores nationwide from July 2003 through September 2003 for about $15.  They were also sold through Buck's Web site at www.buckknives.com.  Consumers should contact Buck Knives Inc. at (800) 215-2825 between 7 a.m. and 3:30 p.m. PT Monday through Friday to receive a free replacement knife.