HUMOR: Top 10 Signs You Are Too Old to Be Trick or Treating
10. You get winded from knocking on the door.
9. You have to have another kid chew the candy for you.
8. You ask for high fiber candy only.
7. When someone drops a candy bar in your bag, you lose your balance and fall over.
6. People say, "Great Keith Richards mask!" and you're not wearing a mask.
5. When the door opens you yell, "Trick or..." and can't remember the rest.
4. By the end of the night, you have a bag full of restraining orders.
3. You have to carefully choose a costume that won't dislodge your hairpiece.
2. You're the only Power Ranger in the neighborhood with a walker.
1. You avoid going to houses where your ex-wives live.

     Author: Unknown

We are a little sick and tired of hearing about how dumb people in the South are when compared with their northern brethren. If you exclude those living in Florida, this is a patently false premise. To prove my point, we would like any of the so-called smart Yankees to take this exam administered by the University of Arkansas Engineering Department.

1. Calculate the smallest limb diameter on a persimmon tree that will support a 10-pound possum.
2. Which of these cars will rust out the quickest when placed on blocks in your front yard? A'65 Ford Fairlane, a '69 Chevrolet Chevelle, or a '64 Pontiac GTO.
3. If your uncle builds a still which operates at a capacity of 20 gallons of shine produced per hour, how many car radiators are required to condense the product?
4. A woodcutter has a chainsaw which operates at 2700 RPM. The density of the pine trees in the plot to be harvested is 470 per acre. The plot is 2.3 acres in size. The average tree diameter is 14 inches. How many Budweisers will be drunk before the trees are cut down?
5. If every old refrigerator in the state vented a charge of R-12 simultaneously, what would be the percentage decrease in the ozone layer?
6. A front porch is constructed of 2x8 pine on 24-inch centers with a field rock foundation. The span is 8 feet and the porch length is 16 feet. The porch floor is 1-inch rough sawn pine. When the porch collapses, how many hound dogs will be killed?
7. A man owns a Tennessee house and 3.7 acres of land in a hollow with an average slope of 15%. The man has five children. Can each of his grown children place a mobile home on the man's land and still have enough property for their electric appliances to sit out front?
8. A 2-ton truck is overloaded and proceeding 900 yards down a steep slope on a secondary road at 45 MPH. The brakes fail. Given average traffic conditions on secondary roads, what is the probability that it will strike a vehicle with a muffler?
9. A coalmine operates a NFPA Class 1, Division 2 Hazardous Area. The mine employs 120 miners per shift. A gas warning is issued at the beginning of the 3rd shift. How many cartons of unfiltered Camels will be smoked during the shift?
10. At a reduction in the gene pool variability rate of 7.5% per generation, how long will it take a town which has been bypassed by the Interstate to breed a country-western singer?
11. How many old motorcycles can one dig out of a 10 acre mud bog?

The man, later identified as Timothy E. Pilgren, 26, got into an argument with the bikers -- five men and one woman -- before running them over on a coastal highway, Panama City Beach Deputy Chief of Police David Humphreys said.

"He pulled up behind the five motorcycles, hit the gas, and plowed right through them," Humphreys said. A female died on the scene, and a male biker was declared dead at Bay Medical Center Hospital. Another man was in critical condition late Wednesday, Humphreys said.

Witnesses told police that the two remaining bikers got back on their motorcycles and chased the truck. They alerted an officer in a marked Environmental Protection vehicle who joined in pursuit.

None of the biker's identities was released before their families could be notified.

License plates on the motorcycles were from Michigan, and stickers on the bikes said "Property of Outlaws," Humphreys said.

"They chased the truck to a dead end road, when the individual rammed the vehicle," said Humphreys. "The officer held the subject at gunpoint, when a shot went off."

Nobody was injured in the struggle, and Pilgren arrested and charged with two open counts of murder, Humphreys said. After being questioned by police, he was going to be delivered to Bay County Jail late Wednesday night.

"The people here at the scene were shocked, this was very uncommon for the area," said Humphreys. "We're a resort community on the coast, we don't get many murders." The Florida Department of Law Enforcement was assisting in the investigation, Humphreys said.

A man driving a stolen pickup truck ran over five motorcyclists Wednesday, killing two and critically injuring another, police said.

The man, later identified as Timothy E. Pilgren, 26, got into an argument with the bikers -- five men and one woman -- before running them over on a coastal highway, Panama City Beach Deputy Chief of Police David Humphreys said.

"He pulled up behind the five motorcycles, hit the gas, and plowed right through them," Humphreys said. A female died on the scene, and a male biker was declared dead at Bay Medical Center Hospital. Another man was in critical condition late Wednesday, Humphreys said.

Witnesses told police that the two remaining bikers got back on their motorcycles and chased the truck. They alerted an officer in a marked Environmental Protection vehicle who joined in pursuit.

None of the biker's identities was released before their families could be notified.

License plates on the motorcycles were from Michigan, and stickers on the bikes said "Property of Outlaws," Humphreys said.

"They chased the truck to a dead end road, when the individual rammed the vehicle," said Humphreys. "The officer held the subject at gunpoint, when a shot went off."

Nobody was injured in the struggle, and Pilgren arrested and charged with two open counts of murder, Humphreys said. After being questioned by police, he was going to be delivered to Bay County Jail late Wednesday night.

"The people here at the scene were shocked, this was very uncommon for the area," said Humphreys. "We're a resort community on the coast, we don't get many murders." The Florida Department of Law Enforcement was assisting in the investigation, Humphreys said.

The former treasurer for the Vietnam Veterans Motorcycle Club of Wisconsin embezzled $108,000 raised by the organization to aid needy veterans and lost it gambling, according to an affidavit filed Monday in Waukesha County Circuit Court.

Sammie Ringer, a 56-year-old Navy veteran, was urged by the club president to repay the money by selling his home or his car, according to the affidavit filed by a Waukesha County Sheriff's Department detective.

Ringer said he already has two mortgages on his home and his car is worth only $50, according to the affidavit.

"There's nothing there," Ringer said.

Ringer however did say that the club could have his motorcycle.

The affidavit was used by detectives to obtain a subpoena for records at a Sussex bank where the club formerly held a checking account.

The account was closed by the club shortly after officers learned of the theft in May, and by that time, it had a balance of just $123. An officer from the club contacted the Sheriff's Department Oct. 3 to report the theft. The former club president told detectives that on May 19, Ringer telephoned him and admitted embezzling money "the last couple years."

Ringer, of Sussex, had served as treasurer from 1997 until the day he placed the call. Funds raised by the club typically came in cash and were handed over to Ringer for deposit.

All of the money raised by the club is used to help "disabled and needy Vietnam Veterans".