| Right
behind Christmas and Thanksgiving, Super Bowl Sunday ranks as the
third largest occasion for Americans to consume food, according to
the National Football League 80-year-old Bessie bursts into the rec room at the retirement home. She holds her clenched fist in the air and announces, "Anyone who can guess what 's in my hand can have sex with me tonight!!" An elderly gentleman in the rear shouts out, "An elephant?" Bessie thinks a minute and says, "Close enough." thanx Geri Here are a few thoughts, the last of which makes the most sense! |
Bars
that draw violent customers can be held legally responsible for
injuries suffered by other patrons if they do not protect them
from "foreseeable" attacks, a state appeals court has
ruled. The decision reinstated a $300,000 award given to Karl
Kuehn, who was attacked in 1998 by three members of the Pagans
motorcycle club at a Union Township bar. He sustained multiple
injuries, including a fractured skull, and has no memory of the
attack or an explanation for what provoked it.
Superior Court Judge Rudy Coleman had thrown out the jury award, finding there was no way bar owner Maria Kerkoulas could have protected Kuehn. The appellate court, though, said in its ruling issued Monday that bars do have such a duty, particularly those frequented by patrons known to engage in random violence. The bar was a known biker hangout when Kerkoulas bought it in 1992. She posted a sign outside that said colors were not allowed in the tavern, and she also hired a doorman to keep them out. On the night of the attack, the club members were wearing Pagan jackets and pushed their way in. Kerkoulas, who was tending bar, said she allowed them to have one drink after Kuehn talked her into letting them stay, a charge he denied even though he also said he doesn't remember anything about the attack. The appellate court said Kerkoulas was liable because she and the doorman, not customers, controlled access to the tavern. Her attorney, Terrence J. Bolan, plans to appeal the ruling to the state Supreme Court. Florida - A police officer who allegedly knew about a pipe-bomb plot, including one planted at a Cape Canaveral post office, was fired. A fax to dismissed officer A.J. Barone's attorney, Steven Casanova, did not cite a specific reason for the dismissal. "He's a probationary employee. He failed to meet expectations of the town," said Melbourne Village Police Chief David Syrkus without elaborating. Barone was hired in March. Michael Jay, 43, and Dawn Jay, 39, were arrested in November and charged with manufacturing and possession of a firearm for the Sept. 11 plot. The first of the devices was found inside an envelope in the post office's drop box. Similar devices were found later that day in the former co-worker's parked car. The devices were neutralized by the sheriff's bomb squad. The target of the plot worked with the couple and Barone at a casino cruise line. U.S. Postal Inspector John Tucker said Barone was a roommate of the couple and heard details of the plot. The target initially thought Barone could have been directly involved, but investigators dismissed that theory early on and focused on the Jays. Barone was not charged in the federal case. Casanova said his client did not have knowledge of the Jays' plans. "Instead of standing behind him, they want to throw him under the bus," Casanova said of village officials.
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Installing Love
Customer: Well, I'm not very technical, but I think I'm ready to install it now. What do I do first? Tech Support: The first step is to open your HEART. Have you located your HEART, ma'am? Customer: Yes, I have, but there are several other programs running right now. Is it okay to install while they are running Tech Support: What programs are running, ma'am? Customer: Let's see... I have PAST-HURT.EXE, LOW-ESTEEM.EXE, GRUDGE.EXE,and RESENTMENT.COM running now. Tech Support: No problem. LOVE will gradually erase PAST-HURT.EXE from your current operating system. It may remain in your permanent memory, but it will no longer disrupt other programs. LOVE will eventually overwrite LOW-ESTEEM.EXE with a module of its own called HIGH-ESTEEM.EXE. However, you have to completely turn off GRUDGE.EXE and RESENTMENT.COM. Those programs prevent LOVE from being properly installed. Can you turn those off, ma'am? Customer: I don't know how to turn them off. Can you tell me how? Tech Support: My pleasure. Go to your Start menu and invoke FORGIVENESS.EXE. Do this as many times as necessary until it's erased the programs you don't want. Customer: Okay, now LOVE has started installing itself automatically. Is that normal? Tech Support: Yes. You should receive a message that says it will reinstall for the life of your HEART. Do you see that message? Customer: Yes, I do. Is it completely installed? Tech Support: Yes, but remember that you have only the base program. You need to begin connecting to other HEARTs in order to get the upgrades. Customer: Oops. I have an error message already. What should I do? Tech Support: What does the message say? Customer: It says "ERROR 412-PROGRAM NOT RUN ON INTERNAL COMPONENTS." What does that mean? Tech Support: Don't worry, ma'am, that's a common problem. It means that the LOVE program is set up to run on external HEARTs but has not yet been run on your HEART. It is one of those complicated programming things, but in non-technical terms it means you have to"LOVE" your own machine before it can "LOVE" others. Customer: So what should I do? Tech Support: Can you pull down the directory called "SELF-ACCEPTANCE"? Customer: Yes, I have it. Tech Support: Excellent. You're getting good at this. Now, click on the following files and then copy them to the "MYHEART" directory: FORGIVE-SELF.DOC, REALIZE-WORTH.TXT, and ACKNOWLEDGE-LIMITATIONS.DOC. The system will overwrite any conflicting files and begin patching any faulty programming. Also, you need to delete SELF-CRITIC.EXE from all directories, and then empty your recycle bin afterwards to make sure it is completely gone and never comes back. Customer: Got it. Hey! My HEART is filling up with new files. SMILE.MPG is playing on my monitor right now and it shows that PEACE.EXE, and CONTENTMENT.COM are copying themselves all over my HEART. Is this normal? Tech Support: Sometimes.. For others it takes a while, but eventually everything gets downloaded at the proper time. So, LOVE is installed an running. You should be able to handle it from here. Ah,one more thing. Customer: Yes? Tech Support: LOVE is freeware. Be sure to give it and its various modules to everybody you meet. They will in turn share it with other people and they will return some similarly cool modules back to you. Customer: I will! Thanks for your help! Remember, LOVE is Freeware! PASS IT ON! Borrowed from Jake and Cyndi
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| Word of the Day |
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extemporaneous
\ek-stem-puh-RAY-nee-us\ adjective *1 : composed, performed, or uttered on the spur of the moment : impromptu 2 : provided, made, or put to use as an expedient : makeshift Example sentence: After receiving the award, Jodi was urged by the enthusiastic applause into making an extemporaneous speech. Did you know? "Extemporaneous," which comes from Latin "ex tempore" ("out of the time"), joined the English language in 1673. About a century later, "impromptu" appeared as a synonym for it. In general usage, "extemporaneous" and "impromptu" are used interchangeably to describe off-the-cuff remarks or speeches, but this is not the case when they are used in reference to the learned art of public speaking. Teachers of speech will tell you that an extemporaneous speech is one that has been thoroughly prepared and planned but not memorized, whereas an impromptu speech is one for which absolutely no preparations have been made. http://www.merriam-webster.com/map_new.htm |