Edition 12-31-03

Why Dogs Are Better Than Women
- A dog's disposition stays the same all month long.
- A dog's parents never come to visit.
- A dog's time in the bathroom is limited to a quick drink.
- Anyone can get a good looking dog.
- Dogs are excited by rough play.
- Dogs can't talk.
- Dogs don't hate their bodies.
- Dogs don't let magazine articles guide their life.
- Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dogs name.
- Dogs like it when you leave lots of things on the floor.
- Dogs like to do their snooping outside, as opposed to your wallet, desk or sock drawer.
- Dogs love it when your friends come over.
- Dogs never need to examine the relationship.
- Dogs think you sing great.
- Dogs understand that farts are funny.
- Dogs understand that instincts are better than asking for directions.
- Dogs will forgive you for playing with other dogs.
- No dog ever bought a Michael Bolton album.
- The later you are, the more excited dogs are to see you.
- You never have to wait for a dog, they're ready 24 hours a day.

Three women are having lunch. They are discussing their teenage daughters.

The first one states that she cannot believe her daughter smoked, that while cleaning her daughter's room she found a pack of cigarettes.

The second woman stated that she knew the feeling. While she was cleaningher daughter's room she found a bottle of booze and she could not believe her daughter drank.

The Blonde said she could sympathizes with them both, that while she was cleaning here daughter's room she found a pack of condoms. She stated that she could not believe her daughter had a penis.

The Official and sorta-Ultimate Guy Dictionary:

"CAN I HELP WITH DINNER?"
Translated: "Why isn't it already on the table?"

"UH HUH," "SURE, HONEY," OR "YES, DEAR"
Translated: Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response.

"IT WOULD TAKE TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN"
Translated: "I have no idea how it works." {Either that, or it involves the intricacies and minutia of German motorcycles or Czechoslovakian trucks and, since she's never expressed a lot of interest before, you don't think she's gonna be interested this time around ...}

THE IDIOT'S GUIDE TO SEX

1. Eating Mexican food is not the cause of gonorrhea.

2. There is no need for dice in role playing.

3. Intercourse doesn't happen on a highway.

4. If you engage in oral sex first, it's not called a head start.

5. If she says she's into "bondage," don't show her your financial portfolio.

6. You can lie down during a one-night stand.

No history, no study, no debate
Debra Saunders
The Associated Press and various newspapers reported this month that the University of California at Los Angeles' Chicano Studies Research Center released a "study" that recommended allowing California's 4.6 million non-citizens to vote in local elections.

But there was no study. There was no new research or in-depth information. There was a Latino Policy and Issue Brief written by UCLA law professor Joaquin C. Avila. The brief cited census data which found that non-citizen adults comprise large portions of California municipalities -- such as 32 percent of Los Angeles -- and then concluded that "a substantial number of persons, who contribute to our economy and our government's revenues, are being denied political representation" -- which he dubbed "political apartheid."

That is, there were a few used statistics, followed by Avila's political views.
FLFLHTC: Well I guess you can figure out what I think of liberal law professors. Thank you Debra.

The sale or liquidation of a motorcycle company that was once a rival of Harley-Davidson could come by mid-January, according to a letter mailed this week to Indian Motorcycle Co. dealerships.

If a "bulk sale" of Indian is not settled soon, the company will be sold "piecemeal" in a Jan. 21 auction, noted the letter from a firm hired to find a buyer for Indian.

In September, Indian closed the Gilroy, Calif., factory where it made Chief, Scout and Spirit motorcycles. It hired CMA Business Credit Services, of San Leandro, Calif., to find a buyer for the company.

Selling Indian has been "more difficult and time-consuming than we had anticipated," CMA said in a Dec. 23 letter to motorcycle dealers.

CMA said it continues "to work with several interested parties to acquire all of the assets of the company with the intention of restarting the business." Should the efforts fail, the auction has been scheduled in Gilroy to sell Indian's assets in pieces.

Indian dealers in Wisconsin are hopeful that a buyer will be announced before an auction deadline. They say there's too much at stake to allow the company to be liquidated.

"I think that Indian will be back in one form or another," said Jim Puma, owner of an Indian dealership in Racine.

"The unknown is what's affecting us now. The quicker that we hear some news, the better off we will be."

New models were set

The original maker of Indian motorcycles went out of business in the early 1950s, and its bikes - with Indian-head logos - became collectors' items.

The brand was resurrected four years ago by a group of private investors. They sought to capture as much as 5% of the U.S. market for large cruiser motorcycles by 2005, hoping to sell as many as 14,000 bikes a year.

By comparison, Harley-Davidson sells almost 300,000 motorcycles a year and has more than half of the U.S. market for cruiser models.

Puma acquired an Indian franchise to augment his custom motorcycle business. Indians have sold fairly well against Harley-Davidson and other big-name brands, he said.

Indian had started selling accessories, and an improved 2004 motorcycle lineup was scheduled to be released this fall. "That's why the sudden closure was such a surprise," Puma said. "There was no indication of it coming."

Audax Group, a Boston private equity firm, invested $45 million in Indian in 2001. This fall, it ended funding for the company.

Indian's inability to raise capital led to the company's downfall, according to dealers.

"In this business, you need $50 million to launch today's bike, and then you need another $50 million to launch tomorrow's bike. . . . It's the name of the game," Puma said.

Most Indian dealers also carry other brands of motorcycles and other products, but they will be hurt if the motorcycle icon can't find a buyer.

"Indian is part of our name," said Ed Peters, general manager of Indian of Oshkosh.

It has been more of a challenge to sell Indian bikes left in dealer showrooms since the company closed its doors, said Tym Williams with Engelhart Inc., a motorcycle dealership in Madison.

"We have bikes priced on clearance," he said. "Unfortunately, we can't offer factory warranties now."

Lessons from Excelsior

Dealers thought that Indian's management had learned some lessons from the defunct motorcycle company Excelsior-Henderson, Williams said.

Excelsior-Henderson went through $100 million in capital, mostly from Minnesota investors, before it ceased production and filed for bankruptcy in 1999.

In March 2002, Excelsior-Henderson's secured creditors sold much of the company's inventory and equipment before it was to be sold by auction.

Motorcycle industry analysts have asked whether Harley-Davidson was interested in buying Indian, but Harley officials have not revealed any such plans.

Polaris Industries, a snowmobile manufacturer that makes Victory motorcycles, also was reported to be among about four bidders interested in Indian.

Polaris isn't commenting on those reports, spokesman Patrick Bourgeois said.

Even if Indian finds a buyer soon, it's uncertain whether the company could restart production in time to deliver motorcycles to dealers by spring.

"It makes it really hard to run a business" with so much uncertainty, Puma said.

With luck, Indian can find a buyer that wants to restart the company rather than split up the assets, said Phil Van Veghel, manager of an Indian dealership in Green Bay.

"As dealers, we are just hanging in there to see what happens," he said. "For now, it's about all that we can do."